What to Look for in a Relationship Partner

What to Look for in a Relationship Partner

Relationship Partner

        A good partner can help you become more of the person you want to be. A loving partner can bring out your optimum or “ideal” self and reveal this beautiful nature in you.

         The person best able to be there for you in this way has the attributes listed below. I offer this with the qualification that your needs might be met by someone whose traits don’t match parts of this list. That’s okay. This is only meant as a rough guideline—as something to consider (though to seriously consider) as you look for a potential partner or evaluate how well the person beside you is meeting your needs. With that in mind, you want a partner who is:

Securely attached and Mature. Because such people are comfortable with themselves and their connections, they are capable of being emotionally close, as well as wanting themselves and their partners to explore separate, personal interests.

They are also able to reflect on themselves and their lives in an open, insightful, and emotionally connected way. This enables them to acknowledge their limitations and nondefensively admit to their mistakes—all without sacrificing a positive sense of themselves. Understanding that others are similarly flawed, they are able to readily forgive their partners.

An effective Communicator. Such partners are good at listening and sharing, which helps them to nurture and maintain close relationships. They can also effectively work through disagreements. In part, they have these strengths because they are generally good at identifying and managing their emotions—a definite plus as you try to connect with another person and work through the difficulties that will inevitably arise in an emotionally intimate relationship.

Appreciative of You. It is not enough to fall in love. Because relationships are cocreated, they will make you happy in the long term only if your partner respects and values you—and works to express this in some way. Your partner must show an interest in getting to know you. And, although it’s steep learning curve at first, the quest to know you better should never totally plateau. You will also be happiest and reach your greatest potential with support and encouragement to explore your personal interests.

A Good Fit. It is important to enjoy spending time together. This generally means having at least some shared interests. But it definitely means enjoying activities together, even if that just involves having engaging conversations. Sharing, or at least respecting, each other’s values affect daily life, the more important it is for them to be shared. For instance, disaster awaits when one partner is determined to have children and the other partner is absolutely against it. Or if one partner is committed to a nomadic lifestyle—say, a career as a traveling salesperson—the relationship will work much better if the other partner is supportive of that.

Ready for a Relationship. Your partner must be willing to make the relationship a priority. This means devoting time and giving attention to it, both when you are physically together and when you are apart. It also involves viewing sex and emotional closeness as two aspects of an intimate relationship that support each other. Finally, a potentially good partner will believe that you—as a couple—are responsible for each other’s happiness.

Sometimes people equate their attachment-related anxiety with the feeling of being in love. When someone is comfortable to be with and seems accepting of you, your attachment-related anxiety might not be triggered. So, it’s entirely possible that the “nice person” you met might be a great fit for you—despite the lack of immediate “excitement”.

Click for View:-  Imagining your Perfect Partner.

This article is taken form Insecure in Love

Written by Arshad. A

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