Know Your Sexy Context?

Know Your Sexy Context

Think of a positive sexual experience from your past. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:

Now consider what aspects of that experience made it positive:

          Category                                                           Description

Mental and physical wellbeing

  • Physical health                                            ______________________________
  • Body image                                                  ______________________________
  • Mood                                                             ______________________________
  • Anxiety                                                          ______________________________
  • Distractibility                                               ______________________________
  • Worry about sexual functioning             ______________________________
  • Other                                                             ______________________________

Partner Characteristics

  • Physical appearance                                 ______________________________
  • Physical health                                            ______________________________
  • Smell                                                              ______________________________
  • Mental state                                                ______________________________
  • Other                                                             ______________________________

Relationship characteristics

  • Trust                                                 ___________________________
  • Power dynamic                               ___________________________
  • Emotional connection                    ___________________________
  • Feeling Desired                               ___________________________
  • Frequency of sex                             ___________________________


  • Private/Public (at home, work, vacation, etc.) ________________
  • Distance Sex (phone, chat, etc.)             ______________________
  • See partner do Something Positive, like interact with family or do work                                                   ___________________________

Other Life Circumstances

  • Work-related stress                        ___________________________
  • Family-related Stress                      ___________________________
  • Holiday, Anniversary, “Occasion”___________________________

Thing You Do

  • Self-guided fantasy                         ___________________________
  • Partner-guided Fantasy (“talking Dirty”)_____________________
  • Body Parts that were Touched or Not _______________________
  • Oral Sex on You/On Partner          ___________________________
  • Intercourse, etc.                             ___________________________


Not-So-Sexy Contexts

Think of a not-so-great sexual experience from your past—not necessarily a terrible one, just a not-so-great one. Describe it here, with as many relevant details as you can recall:

Same is above

Sexual Cues Assessment

Read through all your Sexy and Not-So-Sexy contexts. What do you notice as reliable contexts for Not-So-Great Sex?

   Contexts That Make Sex (Great)              Contexts That Make Sex (Not-So-Great)

Identify five things you and/ or your partner could do if you decided to work toward creating more frequent and easier access to the contexts that improve your sexual functioning.

Things to do            How much Impact?           How easy?  How soon can you do it?

_______            ____________          _______  ________________

_______            ____________          _______  ________________

_______            ____________          _______  ________________

_______            ____________          _______  ________________

_______            ____________          _______  ________________

Now select the two or three that feel like the right combination of impact, ease, and immediacy, and list all the things that would have to happen in order for this change to occur. Be as CONCRETE AND SPECIFIC as you can. These should be ACTIONS rather than abstractions or ideas or attitudes. Ask yourself, “If we decide to create this change, what goes on our to-do lists?”

Change 1

Change 2

Change 3

Change 4

Change 5

Finally, select just one change that you will actually implement. Choose a start date together that feels like good timing. Ideally this will be within the next month. Make your plan. AND DO IT!


This Article is taken from Come as You Are

Written by Arshad. A

3 thoughts on “Know Your Sexy Context?

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