Four basic Step to the Process:
- Name the Feeling. “Right now I feel… jealous/angry/hurt/etc.” Simple, though there are usually multiple feelings involved at the same time. That’s normal.
- Welcome the Feeling. Don’t run away from it, don’t judge it or shame it or get mad at it. Sit still with it, like a welcome guest.
- Take Responsibility for the Feeling. If you feel fear or anger, how could the perceived threat be managed? If you feel sadness, hurt, or grief, how can you heal the lose? The question to ask yourself as you take responsibility for your feelings is: What will help? There won’t always be something you can actively do, apart from allowing the feeling to discharge and complete its cycle. And remember that it’s not your partner’s fault or obligation; their help is entirely voluntary and provides an opportunity for you to express gratitude for the support.
- Communicate the Feeling and the Need. At last, the easiest part. “I feel x,” you say, “and I think what would help is y.” for example, “I feel threatened by the time you spend with your coworker, and I could use some kind of plan that will give me reassurance.” Or, “I still have this hurt about that time you did x, and what I need is some time to go through that emotional tunnel so I can get to the light at the end.”
This Article is take from Come as You Are.
Written by Arshad. A