Welcome to Book Lessons
Here’s the big question I hear all the time at this Point:
“But, isn’t this game playing? Manipulation? Do I have to be fake? Why can’t I leave love to change? Doesn’t this take all the romance and fun out of dating?”
Funny enough, it’s usually women who say these things. Men are usually all too eager to hear about ways to take some control of this speeding wreck called dating and not give up all control to the woman. But, even after hearing these strategies, and seeing it as the Truth, their inner voice starts to second guess them, and men start to ask the same questions. They’re just scared that women will think of them as fake, manipulative, or insincere. At the core of this, they’re really afraid of hurting women. Ultimately, men only wish they knew what to do when it comes to dating and women.
So why are women so hung up on the fear of dating strategies? First, women are emotionally attached to the fairytale romance part of the process, and they thrive on the drama of dating. Woman know on an intuitive level that they are more in command of the dating process since these strategies are already built into their psychology. They don’t understand that they are already using strategies are already built into their psychology. They don’t understand that they are already using strategies and tactics on men every day, whether as defenses or as a method to achieve control.
Men, who are already expected to take on the brunt of the risks and initiation in dating, want some kind of game plan to work with. They’re tired of making the same mistakes and wondering why women have all the power in the dating world.
To answer the question, Is this game playing? I offer you the following:
- As I said before, women are using strategies on you every step of the way. Men need the same kind of advantages. Women started out as little girls in slumber parties talking about boys and what they did on dates, collaborating and learning. They read “Teen” and “Cosmopolitan” with relationship quizzes and advice. Women exchange information more freely on the topic of relationship than guys ever do. If something was or wasn’t working, they would talk about it. Boys never did, due to pride, ego, whatever. With that kind of schooling, you didn’t stand a chance, especially when you spent your high school years throwing a football around and sneaking peeks at Penthouse. That is, you didn’t stand a chance…until now.
- Any effort you take to improve the situation is a win for both of you. You’re seeking to improve the chances that both of you can get what you want and need. Everyone comes out ahead.
- Both men and women are on their best behavior in the early stages. You have to present your best self so that you can have the chance to gradually reveal yourself to the other person. And in the end, you’ll never be able to hide the real you from her, anyways. It will come through.
- Remember that the three S’s – Self-confidence, Self-discipline, and a Sense of Humor – are behaviors. Exhibiting them may feel uncomfortable at times, but that does not make them fake or false to who you are. Only you can control the presentation of your personality. And it’s up to you to present yourself in the best possible way so that she gets the right idea of who you are.
Everybody uses psychological tactics and strategies every day, whether we’re aware of them or not. The concepts I’m about to tell you about have been going on since the beginning of male-female socialization. Nothing I show you will hurt or de-value women in any way. The question isn’t about using manipulation; it’s about whether you will recognize it when it is used on you… and will you know how to handle it?
As long as there is no intentional harm, all that really matters in the end is the results. The ends do justify the means, as long as the means are not mean.
This Article is taken from The Dating Black
Written by Arshad. A