Effects of Thoughts on Feelings and Behaviours: once you are clear about what you say to yourself, think about how this makes you feel, and how it influences your behaviours.
Disconfirming Evidence: Pay attention to how your reactions unfold in daily life and how they are a consequence of your flawed thinking rather than the likely reality of your situation. If, you worry that your boyfriend’s going out with the guys means he’s not very interested you, you might consider these questions:
What evidence is there for the idea that he might be happy with me”? (for instance, he tells me he loves me; he texts or calls me every day; he took care of me when I was sick.)
In what ways am I critical of myself? (for instance, I view myself as boring or stupid for thinking he’d want a future with me.)
If my best friend were in the same situation, would I think the same thing about her and her situation? If not, what would I think? (for instance, I’d think his wanting to go out with the guys has nothing to do with how interesting she is. He shows her that he cares, so it’s clear that he wants to be with her.)
If your attachment-related anxious thoughts remain entrenched, or change seems to be coming too slowly, you might need a little more help. You can find this help by actively developing your capacity for self-compassion.
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